Joining Gay-Straight Alliance

I finally joined my school's Gay-Straight Alliance!!

I went in looking for some understanding, wanting to meet new people, and generally expecting to sit back for the ride.

What I actually found at the meeting was 5 members, 1 teacher-sponsor, 1 advisor, and a box of cinnamon rolls. The group was small, but hey, at least it was there! My friend Chyna, who I'd talked to before joining, was the unspoken leader and driving force. Her obvious passion and dedication to the cause made me want to do more. Our GSA could use some fresh ideas and motivation, so I decided to help light the fire.

GSAs have 3 main purposes:

• Provide Support and acceptance for LGBTQ teens struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identity. Establish a place where LGBTQ and straight ally students can comfortably discuss issues that matter to them.
• Take initiative to Educate the school community, combat hostility, and transform schools into accepting and friendly environments
• Empower and mobilize youth LGBT and allies to Advocate for LGBTQ rights and issues in the broader community

How I would turn my parents into ex-homophobes

My family was watching Obama Revealed on CNN a few nights ago when Don't Ask Don't Tell was mentioned.

My dad: This is what's wrong with America today.

I immediately perked up. I had heard it as "The oppression of the LGBT community is what's wrong with America today". Had he somehow miraculously radically changed his views?? (Yes, sad how much I want it to be true)

Me: What's wrong? (nonchalantly)

My dad: Those people (I don't think he'll ever say the word gay, I don't know if he even knows the term LGBT). Democrats are wrong about them. That's what happens when people become too liberal.

My heart sank. Yeah, no miracle change there. I wonder what in the world  he would do if he found out his daughter was one of "those people"?

Challenges of Accepting the Bisexual Label

Presently, I’m 100% comfortable identifying as bisexual, but during time when I was questioning, accepting who I am was an uphill battle. I constantly rejected the bisexual label, even though it technically fit what I felt. Why was it so difficult to come to terms with?

1) “I am [insert weird label that separates me from normal people]”

It would be a lot easier to just say “I’m attracted to boys” or “I’m attracted to girls” or in my case “I’m attracted to boys and girls”. There was no hiding that from myself, and no reason to anyway.  These phrases identify feelings, which start within and can’t really be controlled.

But for some reason, the words to describe who we “are” are what people tend to focus on. Straight. Gay. Lesbian. Bi. Society always finds it easier to put people in groups and differentiate them than to really give individual worth to their feelings.

My Story

I didn’t always know I was bisexual, but now I know that I always have been. This account is brutally honest, detailed, and offers no excuses, sugar-coating, or romanticizing. It may make you uncomfortable. It's also a bit long. Names and places have been changed or left out to protect the identities of the innocent ;)

4 years old:
After my brother was born in the US, we went back to India for a while. I got sent to a small village school for LKG (Lower Kindergarten). There was a girl I met there whose name I forgot. I liked her instantly. At the time, I compulsively wanted to be friends with her. Can you even have a crush on someone at such a young age? I guess I did. All I remember is that her mom eventually told me to leave her alone.

Kindergarten:
I was 5 when I started Kindergarten at my first elementary school. I met a girl named Callie and we became really close, best friends. We did almost everything together. Later in the year, she also became friends with Nikki and Chantel. I was rather jealous. I don’t know what I was thinking back then, but I really liked her and I didn’t want to share. At the end of the year, she moved away.

During Kindergarten, I also got to know the boys my age living in my apartment complex. I never went through a “boys have cooties, eawwww” phase because 1) I had a brother and 2) most of my friends were boys at the time. There weren’t many girls my age in the area.

1^st grade:

I was talking to Madeline Easton when she mentioned excitedly that her crush was coming to our school. I didn’t understand what she meant, so I asked “what’s Crush?” and she, after a few unsuccessful attempts, explained it to me in a way I still didn’t understand, something about liking a boy.

Later, I developed a “crush” on one of my best friends, Jayan. He was perhaps the most annoying person ever to cross my life at the time. He was better than me at everything, a complete perfectionist, and constantly tattling about me to our teacher Ms. Raines and getting me in trouble. He should have been infuriating; after all we were just kids. But still I was crazy about him in an awkward little girl way.


2^nd grade:
I noticed Kate Neuman the moment I walked into my classroom on the first day. I had to sit next to her. I’d seen her around before, and now I finally knew her name. I don’t know what made me say “I’ve always wanted to meet you” but I did. I didn’t see anything wrong, I was just being friendly. She frowned like I was crazy, and my smile faltered. Then came the teasing and bullying. Those girls’ faces on the playground leering at me in my mind, taunting “Do you like Kate? Do you like Kate?” No. I hated her. I became explosively insecure. I got into a ton of trouble. I hated the girl who’d made my life hell. And then we moved.

We still lived in the same city, but we moved from an apartment into a house. At my new school, I was still alone and ostracized, for whatever reason. It was no better.

That summer, my mom, my brother, and I went up to the school to spend the day at the playground. We saw some girls playing lacrosse in the field so we sat down on the bench to watch. Another girl joined us after a while. She was fair with light blonde short hair and could have been in or just out of high school. I instantly found myself being pulled to her. We talked to her for a while, and she pointed out her friend/sister/cousin who was playing in the field. She left to go to work, and I left wondering why I felt a little goofy.

Who I Am: Introducing Closeted Bisexual Tamil Girl

Greetings from the closet! I’m Selvi, a queer teenage Tamil girl living in the USA. I’m here to give a personal account of my experiences and share my thoughts and feelings. I am a lot of different things and proud of my identity, but mostly I’m just human and trying to figure life out.

LGBTQIA

LGBTQIA stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Allies, etc.

Those of us who fall under the spectrum of Gender and Sexual Minority are coming more to the spotlight. Same-sex marriage is now a hot-button issue. We have haters and supporters and everything in between. That’s why it’s our job to make ourselves more and more visible, to make sure we can’t be ignored or overlooked. Love is love unconditionally, whether it’s how you love other people (sexuality) or how you love yourself (gender identity). I’m here to promote love. Let’s show the world why they should love us too!

Tamil/Indian

I’m putting these two together because they’re cultural aspects. (If you don’t know, Tamil is a language spoken in parts of Asia, also a cultural identity. Tamil Nadu is a Tamil-speaking state in India)

I am passionate about my culture. I speak, read, and write Tamil, go to Tamil Sangams, India association, NSF, FeTNA conventions, etc and so on. It is pretty awesome being part of the Tamil and Indian communities. But the thing is, we are extremely traditional. Indian society in general tends to resist social change. Do you know how many Indian LGBT there in social media? Not a lot. And Tamil LGBT? They’re practically nonexistent! I know there are more of us out there.

Indian LGBT have to deal with the fact that the LGBT movement is very western. All the music, films, pride and support groups are English/Caucasian-based. As Indians/Tamils, It is HARD to reconcile our culture with our sexual orientation. So we need to be there for each other and build some communities of our own.

A Girl

It’s a fact - gay guys get more attention than lesbians and there are way more resources for bisexual guys than biseuxal girls. Thanks to popular male-dominated media, lesbian and bi women have been fetishized and objectified, and this leads to downright disrespect for the validity of our identities. As a strong feminist, I object to society's definition of me. Respect has to start within, and hopefully people will see that and start to give us the respect we deserve.

Teenage

Being young and different can be scary. The suicide rate in teenage LGBT is high. Most of us still live with our parents, and maybe (like mine), they're homophobic. Since our experiences are different than adults, our opinions matter too. We’re still growing and developing, and most of us haven’t fallen in love yet... Some of us still need to fall in love with ourselves.

Still in the closet

There is always this pressure on LGBT people to "come out". But really, I am fine where I am. I'm not looking for a relationship at the time and don’t plan to until college. Being in the closet doesn’t mean that I’m ashamed. I am comfortable with who I am. I’m just under complex circumstances and don’t really feel the need to come out yet. Simple as that. This blog is my way to put my thoughts and support out there without putting myself out there just yet.

So there you have it. This is who I am. These are the things I’ll be writing about. If any of that struck a chord with you, we need to talk. I want to hear what you think! Comment, email, let me know.

All my love,

Selvi <3

selvi.malar.bi@gmail.com