Challenges of Accepting the Bisexual Label

Presently, I’m 100% comfortable identifying as bisexual, but during time when I was questioning, accepting who I am was an uphill battle. I constantly rejected the bisexual label, even though it technically fit what I felt. Why was it so difficult to come to terms with?

1) “I am [insert weird label that separates me from normal people]”

It would be a lot easier to just say “I’m attracted to boys” or “I’m attracted to girls” or in my case “I’m attracted to boys and girls”. There was no hiding that from myself, and no reason to anyway.  These phrases identify feelings, which start within and can’t really be controlled.

But for some reason, the words to describe who we “are” are what people tend to focus on. Straight. Gay. Lesbian. Bi. Society always finds it easier to put people in groups and differentiate them than to really give individual worth to their feelings.

I didn’t want to differentiate myself and put myself in a group that was always in the line of fire. I felt “normal” on the inside. Nothing about me felt wrong or out of place. Why should I identify with a word that insisted on my abnormality? That told me I was different?

I was fine being attracted to boys and girls, but I was not okay with being bisexual. I was not okay with seeing myself as bizarre.

2) But Bisexuals are…

My sense of self suffered a lot from my own misplaced prejudice. I was biphobic to begin with. I didn’t understand what it meant to be bisexual.

Starting out, I didn’t even think bisexuality could be real. I kept asking myself – How is it possible for a person to be attracted to both genders? I forgot to ask myself – Hasn’t it been possible for me?

When hearing the word “Bisexual”, what screamed out at me was “sexual”. Promiscuous, experimentative, slutty, etc. I rejected the whole idea, since I was the exact opposite of a slut. I’d never even had my first kiss! How could I be bisexual when I didn’t even think of myself as sexual?

Bisexuals are regarded from both sides as either straight attention whores or scared-to-come-out gays. On top of that, bisexual girls are misrepresented by media as having genuine attraction to the opposite gender and only fooling around with the same gender (Madonna and Brittney anyone? Katy Perry?).

I didn’t want to be associated with any of it.

3) Straight or Lesbian: Choose one

“You’re either straight, gay, or lying” is the phrase often touted by biphobic naysayers.

I felt that identifying as bisexual and subscribing to both genders would somehow undermine how I felt about either gender. Growing up in a heteronormative society, I thought I was straight because I liked boys. When I admitted to myself that I also liked girls, I was at a crisis point. I wasn’t lesbian, because I liked boys. I wasn’t straight, because I did like girls. I really wanted to pick one or the other, but who the hell picks their feelings? It didn’t make sense to be both straight and lesbian. I was neither straight nor lesbian.

It was then that I started looking at bisexuality from a different perspective. Could the world really be wrong about me?

Starting with myself

Needing to accept myself forced me to an evolution in perception. Slowly, I started accepting my own feelings as genuine. I really was attracted to both boys and girls, and it was possible to feel this way because I did feel this way. I was not wrong, twisted, or abnormal. This was what was natural.

I eventually came around to the labels again. Disregarding all the prejudices, misconceptions, and stereotypes, bisexual was the word that fit what I felt. I tested it out in my empty room “I am bisexual”, shivering at how the word sounded in the air and delighted at how it resonated off the walls and furniture.

My confidence increased tremendously. It took the world telling me I was wrong for me to consider that maybe the world was wrong. It didn’t matter what society or anyone said or thought about it. I chose to embrace it because it was a part of me. Yes, I am bisexual.

This is my advice to anyone trying to understand themselves (orientation or otherwise):

• Forget everything that the world expects you to be.

• Forget everything that you expect yourself to be.
• Don’t be afraid of how you truly feel.

• And remember that nothing else really matters.

Selvi <3