Why Me? Why Now?

I'll admit, it's not always easy trying to advocate for LGBT rights from deep within the closet. Being vice president of my school's GSA, I constantly put myself out there while holding back just enough, laughing things off, and sometimes having to say no. I keep secrets, and I feel the negative repercussions every day. It's in the confusion I feel when I tell my best friend I'm going to a GSA meeting, but can't tell her why. It's in the way I avoid my mom's gaze when I make up an excuse to go to an GSA lock-in, or when I hide the rainbow ribbons and LGBT books at the back of my shelf or the bottom of my backpack.

And sometimes I have to ask myself - Why me? Why now?

I joined GSA and I started this blog because I couldn't handle my own silence. I felt as if I owed it to the community and to myself to do as much as I could.

The LGBT movement will be the next great civil rights struggle that goes down in history. I am not willing to be someone who holds back in fear, suppressing her beliefs because they are not widely accepted. I am not content to speak only when the moment is opportune and the fight is already won. I am not ashamed of my inner voice, no matter how contested and inconvenient it might be. Someone once said, “Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your actions do”. If this is true, then what good is a person who will not take action to defend their beliefs?

I will not be silent. I will do what I know needs to be done… and I will hold my head high. We idealize revolutionaries, but when we see them in society, why is our first instinct to quiet them, to reproach them for disrupting the unwritten rules and keeping the norms from feeling too comfortable? The world is changing around us, and this is not the time to afraid. All the disapproving looks and scandalized whispers in the world will not deter me from pursuing my dreams with sincere passion. I believe with all my heart, so I will fight with all my strength.

Why me? Because I simply cannot stand back and watch.

Why now? Because it simply cannot wait.

Joining Gay-Straight Alliance

I finally joined my school's Gay-Straight Alliance!!

I went in looking for some understanding, wanting to meet new people, and generally expecting to sit back for the ride.

What I actually found at the meeting was 5 members, 1 teacher-sponsor, 1 advisor, and a box of cinnamon rolls. The group was small, but hey, at least it was there! My friend Chyna, who I'd talked to before joining, was the unspoken leader and driving force. Her obvious passion and dedication to the cause made me want to do more. Our GSA could use some fresh ideas and motivation, so I decided to help light the fire.

GSAs have 3 main purposes:

• Provide Support and acceptance for LGBTQ teens struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identity. Establish a place where LGBTQ and straight ally students can comfortably discuss issues that matter to them.
• Take initiative to Educate the school community, combat hostility, and transform schools into accepting and friendly environments
• Empower and mobilize youth LGBT and allies to Advocate for LGBTQ rights and issues in the broader community

How I would turn my parents into ex-homophobes

My family was watching Obama Revealed on CNN a few nights ago when Don't Ask Don't Tell was mentioned.

My dad: This is what's wrong with America today.

I immediately perked up. I had heard it as "The oppression of the LGBT community is what's wrong with America today". Had he somehow miraculously radically changed his views?? (Yes, sad how much I want it to be true)

Me: What's wrong? (nonchalantly)

My dad: Those people (I don't think he'll ever say the word gay, I don't know if he even knows the term LGBT). Democrats are wrong about them. That's what happens when people become too liberal.

My heart sank. Yeah, no miracle change there. I wonder what in the world  he would do if he found out his daughter was one of "those people"?

Who I Am: Introducing Closeted Bisexual Tamil Girl

Greetings from the closet! I’m Selvi, a queer teenage Tamil girl living in the USA. I’m here to give a personal account of my experiences and share my thoughts and feelings. I am a lot of different things and proud of my identity, but mostly I’m just human and trying to figure life out.

LGBTQIA

LGBTQIA stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Allies, etc.

Those of us who fall under the spectrum of Gender and Sexual Minority are coming more to the spotlight. Same-sex marriage is now a hot-button issue. We have haters and supporters and everything in between. That’s why it’s our job to make ourselves more and more visible, to make sure we can’t be ignored or overlooked. Love is love unconditionally, whether it’s how you love other people (sexuality) or how you love yourself (gender identity). I’m here to promote love. Let’s show the world why they should love us too!

Tamil/Indian

I’m putting these two together because they’re cultural aspects. (If you don’t know, Tamil is a language spoken in parts of Asia, also a cultural identity. Tamil Nadu is a Tamil-speaking state in India)

I am passionate about my culture. I speak, read, and write Tamil, go to Tamil Sangams, India association, NSF, FeTNA conventions, etc and so on. It is pretty awesome being part of the Tamil and Indian communities. But the thing is, we are extremely traditional. Indian society in general tends to resist social change. Do you know how many Indian LGBT there in social media? Not a lot. And Tamil LGBT? They’re practically nonexistent! I know there are more of us out there.

Indian LGBT have to deal with the fact that the LGBT movement is very western. All the music, films, pride and support groups are English/Caucasian-based. As Indians/Tamils, It is HARD to reconcile our culture with our sexual orientation. So we need to be there for each other and build some communities of our own.

A Girl

It’s a fact - gay guys get more attention than lesbians and there are way more resources for bisexual guys than biseuxal girls. Thanks to popular male-dominated media, lesbian and bi women have been fetishized and objectified, and this leads to downright disrespect for the validity of our identities. As a strong feminist, I object to society's definition of me. Respect has to start within, and hopefully people will see that and start to give us the respect we deserve.

Teenage

Being young and different can be scary. The suicide rate in teenage LGBT is high. Most of us still live with our parents, and maybe (like mine), they're homophobic. Since our experiences are different than adults, our opinions matter too. We’re still growing and developing, and most of us haven’t fallen in love yet... Some of us still need to fall in love with ourselves.

Still in the closet

There is always this pressure on LGBT people to "come out". But really, I am fine where I am. I'm not looking for a relationship at the time and don’t plan to until college. Being in the closet doesn’t mean that I’m ashamed. I am comfortable with who I am. I’m just under complex circumstances and don’t really feel the need to come out yet. Simple as that. This blog is my way to put my thoughts and support out there without putting myself out there just yet.

So there you have it. This is who I am. These are the things I’ll be writing about. If any of that struck a chord with you, we need to talk. I want to hear what you think! Comment, email, let me know.

All my love,

Selvi <3

selvi.malar.bi@gmail.com